we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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