you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just found puke in my bra..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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