pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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