My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
