yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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