Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
