I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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