I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
