Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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