Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize