Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
