I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
