smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
