i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
