Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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