So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize