okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Semen is not good for contacts.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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