The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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