Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
