I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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