It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize