I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
