We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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