During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
