in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
