Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
