pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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