I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
