I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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