I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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