Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Acid is not a monday night drug
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
