so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
