I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
