i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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