I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
