Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
