It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
God, you're like boner-b-gone
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
