she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
