Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Someone came in the potted fern
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
