I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
