If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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