Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we have officially lost it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it's great music for shaving your balls
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
