One girl and one boy is just not enough.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
