you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
