For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Randomize
