worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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