My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
