Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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