did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
