you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
