It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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