so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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