Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
