Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I need water and some morals
Randomize
