your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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