bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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