she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
