She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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