Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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