Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
how does that bad decision feel?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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