I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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