He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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