I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
