It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
