How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
