I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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