just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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