My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize