FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
