If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
